In Case I Go Again

Hurray for updates, right? ;)

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4573256/22/

This chapter didn't take long to write but I certainly avoided it. I wanted to make sure that it was right and I doubted myself up until the final moments. I'm still not sure if I even conveyed everything I wanted to get across.

Bella's side of the story, at this point in time, is very delicate and easily misunderstood. I wanted her to come across as a character who's trapped by her responsibility to Jacob and by her love for Edward. It's so easy to be critical. I wanted to give her the chance to say things in her own words. Bella is very much just as tortured as Edward. It's being slightly unfair not to give her the same credit Edward gets. Nothing about her situation is easy. And she's fully aware of all her mistakes. It becomes clear, especially with Peter Herman's murder, that she is full of guilt and will do anything now to make amends.

I knew everyone was anxiously awaiting a Bella POV, and I thought this was the best way to do it, instead of doing the outtake. The abrupt end with Peter Herman's death was always meant to be from her POV and with her dramatic response. The death wasn't supposed to come so soon - the chapters between were supposed to be longer - but I pushed it up so we could receive the resulting action: her break-up with Jacob. I'm sure everyone is doing a happy dance, but honestly it was meant to be sad and heartbreaking.

I hope all the readers better understood what was going through her mind and how she felt during those crucial scenes with Edward as well. A lot has transpired between the two in these last few chapters. Each little interaction has been a pivotal part to the people they end up being during the one-shot. Even the small things, like Bella catching a little glimpse of Edward's stomach during the store scene. I got a lot of requests to see certain scenes from her POV so I hope I could please everyone, even if you didn't necessarily get the scene you wanted.

And I think it's important to see her point-of-view of everything that's happened, especially since I don't really forsee writing another detailed chapter like this in her POV again. Part of the significance of the one-shot is that Edward is completely befuddled by Bella, and I feel like the reader has to have the same mindset to understand him and to see the importance of the fateful stormy night in April. This isn't to say we won't see her POV again, but I doubt there will be another chapter were things that have already taken place are reevaluted in her POV.

One of my favorite parts about this chapter is the scene on the beach. Most readers won't necessarily realize why. It's a direct reflection of the dream Edward has on the same night (Christmas Eve - technically Christmas Day) at the same time (sometime after midnight). In Edward's dream, Bella admits to him she loves him. In Bella's reflective moment on First Beach, she admits to herself that she loves Edward. I'll bet you didn't expect that when reading Edward's POV, did you? ;)

In addition, I know some people might be shocked by Peter Herman's violent death. You really shouldn't. There's a reason why I introduced Laurent's character....I guess he was responsible for those serial murders in France after all (haha). I want to explain more about why Edward was so stressed out, and why he unthinkingly left the folder, or why they were in a public place when he was carrying something so confidential in the first place - but I can't. I don't want to ruin the intrigue of next chapter, which returns to Edward's POV.

Oh and as for the abrupt ending...there's a reason why Bella's last sentence was so significant and why she walked away to the kitchen. If you recall correctly, Bella's kitchen is where she and Edward admit out loud they love each other during the one-shot....

Can't wait to read everyone's reviews, I'll see you back here next chapter ;)