I Want You

Chapter 16 of Secret is now up!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4573256/16/

It’s a commonly held belief that men have no insight into the complex minds of women. Despite the truth to that statement I think an exception must also be made…for women like me. I do not presume to understand men nor do feel I necessarily do the male POV any justice but in my personal opinion I seem to be better at writing Edward’s POV versus Bella’s. In other words: writing this chapter was hell.

Many readers—prior to this chapter—reviewed and inquired about Bella’s POV or speculated as to what it might be like. I’m sure there are some readers that are disappointed, some that are surprised, some that are peeved, and some that aren’t particularly surprised at all.
In writing Bella’s relationship with Jacob I faced a dilemma. Like many Twilighter’s I hold the Team Switzerland stance, with a slight bias towards Edward, so I struggled with how to show the good side of Jacob when the Twilight Nation is so strongly Team Edward.

My intent was never to create Jacob and mold him into something I don’t see him as. As I’ve told many readers before, I see Jacob as the second-best. There are no real instances in the series (until he imprints on Renesmee) where Jacob disproves his passionate love for Bella. In this, I mean that Jacob would be just as good a fit for Bella as Edward is. Now I realize in saying I wanted to keep Jacob as “canon” as possible, I’m also raising the argument for why Edward is so OOC. My response would be this: I never intended to write a huge story from the one-shot and when I did I wanted it to be full of drama and excitement.

Secret would never be the story it is if Bella had to choose between two perfect men. If I wanted to write a story about that I’d be plagiarizing Eclipse! What makes the story so unique and special is that Edward isn’t the perfect gentleman we’ve come to love and adore…yet. It’s this long journey of self-discovery and love that brings him to the point where we recognize Edward’s true character. Call me dramatic but I happen to find that more interesting. Of course I could have gone the easy route and made Jacob the awful boyfriend—who can’t give Bella an orgasm—and written Edward as a man who’s practically sex personified and is the perfect man BUT THAT WOULDN’T BE Secret! It would make things too easy and no matter my Team Switzerland stance I will always write a Bella and Edward story. If it were that easy the story would have been done 6 chapters ago.

Another interesting part of this chapter was how much I found myself referencing the one-shot. We don’t realize it as we read Secret but think about it…how many times have we really read a description of the interior of Bella’s home in this story? Once. In her first POV and very briefly and vaguely, I might add. I set up rules for myself in the one-shot. Rules that I love and hate at the same time. Rules that I’ve come to consider bending just for the sake of one scene I’m desperate to write. But I realize I’ll never do that. Another thing that makes the story is the rules. I never intended to drag-out Secret and quite frankly the challenge it has been only serves to make the story better in my opinion. I wish I could share the experience I have writing this story with others. To discuss it and share blogs every once in a while about what’s it like for me isn’t even enough. It’s something special that I wish everyone who cares about this story could understand.

In getting back to the rules I also added some twisted foreshadowing. In this chapter, Bella mentions a particular guest room on two separate occasions. Once, when Jacob’s trying to comfort her after her phone call with Renee, and again when she’s setting Billy up in the guestroom. Would anyone like to take a guess as to why the guestroom is so significant?

If you guessed A: because it’s the room she and Edward have sex in for the first
time, as written in the one-shot…you’re correct! (I wish I had something
tangible to give you but for now I’ll just give you a virtual high-five.)

I wasn’t sure why I wanted to do this foreshadowing but I felt like that room held greater power than anyone of us—myself included—could fathom. I never made a conscious decision as to why I chose that random room in particular while writing the one-shot but I happen to believe everything happens for a reason. I’m sure I’ll never know why that room is so special but I don’t think I necessarily want to.

There’s also some other foreshadowing that Bella does unknowingly but I don’t think I’ll reveal what part it is just yet. I seem to live for your speculation.

As always thanks for reading the blog and reading Secret!